Still Breathing

I have this incredible ability to put things off when life gets overwhelming. Then again, don't a lot of people?

Perhaps.

I'm not saying things here that will be a major revelation for anyone. If it is I assure you it is unintentional, and maybe you should think about going away. Far, far away, from your computing devices. I'm not throwing some bullshit, altruistic wisdom I've sought out to share with the world wide web, because quite frankly I don't care enough. I suppose you could say I am doing it for myself. I'm a selfish bastard. You can agree, I won't argue.

I am also irritable, unreasonably angry and tired. Hmmm. Then again, aren't a lot of people?

Perhaps.

My concentration for what ever reason has decided to take a permanent hiatus. So I would like to force myself, or challenge myself if you will; to be a more productive member of our miserable society. In my own comfortable way. Whatever that may be. I'll start with a list of what I'm randomly thinking for the next 20 minutes or so.

A list you say? Heck, sure. Lists are good. Most certainly if you're in a mental rut and you can feel your brain cells rotting away as you waste oxygen watching some bad documentary on the History Channel at 3am. (I'm just saying)

1. I'm not absolutely sure why, but I have this incessant need to write. Anything. So this is a start.

2. That incessant need to vent or express my thoughts randomly poses a problem to someone who can't focus on much of anything for more than 10 minute intervals.

3. Making a list in a sort of free association writing process can be therapeutic. Even though I do tend to over-analyze and criticize my obsessive thoughts and inputs. Something is better than nothing.

4. I'm not sure I could be any more disgusted with life as we humans know it on this rotating cosmic piece of shit. The apathy for humans which now plagues me is contagious in a more serious sense than any 'peace' or 'love', could be. Tragic? No, just sensible.

5. What is tragic is that at the end of the day I still just long for simple companionship. The unconditional kind.
6. I hate that I can love what is always the unattainable. I suppose, that's part of the attraction, isn't it?
7. I'm beginning to think my cat is more intelligent than most people on any given day. That includes you, and myself.
8. I'm fascinated by failure. It doesn't matter who, what, where or why.
9. I envy the ignorant. 
10. I am slowly burning out and need sleep.


I'm reminded of a quote from a friend of mine; 'The problem with perfectionism is that you'll never finish anything.' Sandy